I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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