I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Panties = found
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize