she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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