He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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