Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
