great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
