Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
