Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
