Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
