last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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