Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
