All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my vag is so smooth its legendary
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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