Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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