I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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