Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
