He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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