You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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