my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
