Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
pray to the hookup gods
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
