he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
