i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
