Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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