she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
