No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
