You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
