My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
