She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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