The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
