We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
