Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
