Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
