I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
