i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize