I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
