I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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