why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
