I got chris browned last night
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
