Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
