Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
