My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
