oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
