I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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