I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I skipped work to stalk him.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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