I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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