Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize