i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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