If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
