my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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