I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
