she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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