it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
