trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
