we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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