That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
