I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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