I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
