Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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