Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
