i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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