why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
