Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
