Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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