did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
