Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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