11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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