I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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