I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
