We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
should my penis look like a turkey
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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