We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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