I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
