Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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