I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
