Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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