His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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