As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you are never too drunk for berry picking
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
