I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
