I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
