its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
