If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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