So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
