My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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