omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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