i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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