Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How does one acquire holy water?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
